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Tuesday, March 30, 2004 listening to: Weiss Kreuz - Black Angel i din support her... mi bad. budden i like, cudn't do no shit either. stupid kiat kept pestering mi hurry up i knew sth wuz up when tao sed he nided 2 go. not like, sth bad, but like, bc, tao, ngiap. a bit non-obvious lorhz. den wtf. dragged arnd for e whole flag day. sian bo... liddat... wth. i din noe. not like i gonna forget so much so fast. i nvr forget mi mistakes. unless it's in hw =p but mistakes in life is nvr forgotten. sleepy, tired, drained, mentally thrashed. but i muz perservere. i'd rather stick wif frenz still. i find more energy within miself liddat. if not i'll juz slack slack slack n grow fatter. i'm already trying 2 stop tt like, 15 push ups or 20 sit ups b4 i slp, wake or bathe. choose 1. bcuz i'm bushed usually. but i rmb n shall do. nothing more than a simple warm up. usually. i wanna go play soccer. but suddenly, ilearning took mi out. like. poof. bo strength. n all this things hitting mi all at once. realisation, sadness, evrything. i nearly collapsed this aft. dunno. mebbe too tired. found i stopped breathing n i cudn't start breathing. juz tired. wanted 2 slp. forevr. for a short time. anithing. juz slp. mi legs were slowly giving way. steps getting more n more awkward. then i thot. e floor looks nice 2 rest on. e floor wuz e main rd. wth. then i rmbed. mi promise 2 play soccer 2ml nma. felt sth krick n such. took a deep full breath. saw spots =P. i feel guilty for not going. i feel guilty tt i din refuse kiat. tt i din listen 2 miself. din look n get wad i want instead of wad others want. i've let marian down. i've let miself down. i din even listen 2 miself... tehgo walked into the light @ 3/30/2004 09:41:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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it saddens mi 2 c mi frenz sad, drained. we all came back frm ilearning n interact camp. tired. bushed. completely whooped by e camp n stuff. werk wuz like juz nice since extensions were given. like until next wk even. budden. it's still a lot, n when we come back, even more werk... so how 2 do? sian bo... aniwaez. gep flag day ok lah wuz dressed up in gay cow suit during ri minds carnival. mi n gary took turns. initially, onlee supposed 2 b him. but i thot i b nice. cuz i noe inside e gay suit it's damn frigging hot... n by 12 we left to go for lunch then chiong 2 al-fajah mosque to collect e tin cans for flag day. camped at posb in taka. damn song. ppl donate a lot. ok not so much like jong. sum kia donated 50... mi side onlee 1 guy donated 10... or wuz it 2? aniwaez then i realised. next time i c flag day, i will donate aboz 1 buck. cuz i realised how shit it iz. for ppl 2 dao u n walk away... esp those like, no thanks. or like, thanks it's ok. wtf? i din ask them like wud they like sth i asked them pls donate. n wad thanks... they dun donate no shit... haishz... sad day... gtg liaoz. b4 parents catch mi up like damn late now tehgo walked into the light @ 3/30/2004 12:48:00 am -+-+-+-+- |
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Sunday, March 28, 2004 listening to: D.N.Angel - Futatsu no Negai i'm too forgiving. mi anger n hatred lessened. once more i'm same person again. but i wanna haf summore freedom still. it's juz mi mithinks. juz plain old mi. not tingdi. not soulbane. not sturm crow. not all e personalities tt found their way into mi heart, mi mind, n took over mi. it's juz mi. teja. kwang meng. e same person i tried to forget existed. e person-hater. e person tt nvr trusted others. e person tt felt this world wud b better off if ppl nvr existed, onlee animals n plants. i wuz impartial. i hated each n evry person on e planet. each n evry human soul i detested. including mi parents. mi family. all deserved to die. tt's wad i thot. i thot tt n thot tt. until 1 day, i forgot. tt wuz e day i knew luv. not bg, not parental. i dun even noe wad it wuz now. it's juz tt since tt day, i felt, ok so sum deserve to live. but e hatred wuz strong in mi. no 1 knew mi for hu i m. evry1 thot they did. they didn't. 1 day, i juz exploded. snapped. too much hatred. overboiled. if i din haf frenz, i wud've gone overboard. i lost a sense of reasoning. then i tamed miself. n tingdi came aboz. i din noe wad tingdi wuz then, but i knew, i wanted 2 b e docile animal e elephant. big, strong, but kind n gentle. time to time i wuz violent. but not overly. i left tt to rot. then sum yrs back, i gained another personality. soulbane. destroyer. hater. mi heart must've bin black as pitch. i hated evrything now. i hated even e gods for making mi lose ppl. i wuz juz angry, outta control. mi posts were all aboz anger, hatred. then soon, i lost e crow, n bhante. n then sturm crow came along. like e storm crows, violence phased in n out. i wuz tired. fed up. n i din wanna think. i lost each n evrything i held dear. all those i knew i wuz gonna lose, i lost. n i nvr felt e same. i felt lost. i bot weapons. but so wad? i deserted those weapons this yr so wad if i lost them. i dun care now. bcuz now i'm back 2 mi old self. i'm tickling ppl instead of beating them up. wth man. not like wad i used 2 b less than 4 yrs ago. but now. i wanna b mi old self. docile, quiet, friendly. i rmb mi grandpa. mi grandpas, mi grandaunt, mi nanny's mom, mi fren hu died of illness at e age of 10, mi crow, mi teacher n guide. now i look at mi grandmas. esp mi paternal 1. old, frail. i feel like crying each time i rmb wad she used 2 b. from time 2 time, i think of e dragons. i lose all energy when i'm alone now. juz feel all drained n lethargic. i dun feel like doing anithing. when i'm out, i feel like doing evrything. mebbe it's e influence of frenz. mebbe it's wad mi grandpa wanted mi 2 do. wadevr e case, it's a gd start. bcuz now i wun b a slacker so much. there's so much i wanna do, yet our lives r but so short. treasure evrything we got. we may not b able 2 c them again 2ml. hu noez... birth is certain, death, uncertain. we nvr evr noe when sum1's going. when we find out tt person's gone, part of us die too. but we dun noe tt. so i pledge, on mi soul, tt i will, from now on, treasure evrything. tehgo walked into the light @ 3/28/2004 10:02:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Thursday, March 25, 2004 From Morihei Ueshiba’s book “Budo” The six pillars of Aikido technique: Shiho-nage (four-directions throws) Irimi-nage (entering throws) Kaiten (open-and-turn movements) Kokyu-ho (breath-power techniques) Osae-waza (pinning techniques) Ushiro-waza (rear techniques) With regards to the execution of Aikido techniques: Our techniques employ four qualities that reflect the nature of our world. Depending on the circumstance, you should be: hard as a diamond, flexible as a willow, smooth-flowing like water, or as empty as space. The body should be triangular, the mind circular. The triangle represents the generation of energy and is the most stable physical posture. The circle symbolizes serenity and perfection, the source of unlimited techniques. The square stands for solidity, the basis of applied control. A good stance and posture reflects a proper state of mind. The key to good technique is to keep your hands, feet and hips straight and centered. If you are centered, you can move freely. The physical center is your belly; if your mind is set there as well, you are assured of victory in any endeavour. Do not stare into the eyes of your opponent: he may mesmerize you. Do not fix your gaze on his sword: he may intimidate you. Do not focus on your opponent at all: he may absorb your energy. The essence of the technique is to bring your opponent completely into your sphere. Then you can stand just where you like, in a safe and unassailable position. When an opponent comes forward, move in and greet him; if he wants to pull back, send him on his way. i wanna get this book!!! taken frm her webbie too~ shows she has been in aikido longer =p tehgo walked into the light @ 3/25/2004 01:09:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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"True budo is a work of love. It is a work of giving life to all beings, and not killing or struggling with each other. Love is the guardian deity of everything. Nothing can exist without it. Aikido is the realization of love." - O Sensei, Morihei Ueshiba tehgo walked into the light @ 3/25/2004 01:06:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Kushi-mitama is the intelligent, profound, mysterious and sensitive aspect of the human soul. Associated with Heaven and the principle of centralization, it is the source of wisdom, clarity and virtue. Ara-mitama is the rough, wild and fierce aspect of human nature. It is the source of courage, valor and progress. Properly channeled, it is an intelligent, powerful and constructive force. It is associated with Fire and the principle of industry. Nigi-mitama is the gentle, serene and mild aspect of the human soul that seeks harmony and peace. It is the source of empathy, trust and respect, and is associated with Water and the principle of consolidation. Sachi-mitama is the optimistic, bright and flourishing aspect of the human soul. It is the source of love and compassion, and is associated with Earth and the principle of differentiation. this i took frm serene goh's website. i think i noe her. mebbe i c her b4 at aikido. can't rmb. took her o's much earlier =S tehgo walked into the light @ 3/25/2004 01:06:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004 listening to: MazinKaiser - MazinKaiser no Theme pissed. utterly. mi parents forced mi 2 come home 8 pm, all e fucking way frm jurong they cudn't let mi stay at mi cuz hse another day oh no, even ilearning, i do there, so wad? mi own hol i got no say. then i had 2 fucking carry mi fucking heavy bag into e fucking train. which i fucking missed. fucking ezlink dunno wad fucking screwed up. fucking gate din open. i had 2 fucking take out e fucking card frm all e fucking way inside mi fucking wallet, juz 2 fucking tap, to fucking get into e fucking train. then i fell asleep on e train itself nearly fucking missed e fucking stop. i missed e fucking train at outram then. nvm. then fucking hell. fucking gate at fucking kovan din fucking open again. had 2 fucking take e fucking ezlink outta mi fucking wallet. fucking tap e fucking card, then can fucking go. n now mi eyes r screwy. i stare at e grnd at lakeside mrt. u noe e spotty flooring. then it looked like, e grnd wuz water. flowing, rippling. then wind blew by. e grnd started 2 ripple fast. then slowly went back 2 normal. like as if it's a living thing. moving slowly. peacefully. n i'm hearing things wtf. kept hearing mi cousin's doorbell when i wuz bathing. at msia, kept hearing door knocks. then garlic kept asking wtf i doing. then in crowded places, i hear mi name then i turn arnd. no 1 there. funky shit. i shud go slp more. as if i nvr slp enuff... crap ilearning lah. boring shit. understand no shit. so much werk. haishz~~~~ tehgo walked into the light @ 3/23/2004 03:54:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Thursday, March 18, 2004 listening to: Akazukin Cha Cha - Kimi Iro Omoi another fun time not at home =/ been in msia for e past 4 days taiping, ipoh, kuala lumpur, way home. taiping so peaceful. ppl veri nice. they veri frenly. even e malays. ok so i a bit racist. influenced larhz. ipoh wuz better. ipoh hor fun nice =D achalli shud b called ipoh kway teow. ok msians kenot spell. tao gay ayam bcomes tauge ayam kway teow bcomes koitiau tsk... kl wuzn't veri gd tho. chinatown wuz a waste of time. no nice chains, no nice rings, not safe 2 bring weapons across border, clothes aren't reeli safe 2 buy, none of us wanted 2 buy porn, amazingly. mebbe we're tt morally upright? then no movies, even originals, cuz s'pore will take it for censorship. wth. so. buy food =.=. games were damn old. 1 yr late sia... sian bo. but being wif frenz. i dun mind not buying anithing. i wanna b wif mi frenz. i'm no longer tt anti-social. yehmin wuz using mi upper arm/ shoulder for a pillow whenever we on e bus slping. then i'll juz slp above his head cuz tt's where e bus seat got higher cushion. then after a while, we'll wake up, either mi first or him, wad else? then we check arnd for bridge or dai dee =P no money involved lol. i brot mi ps2 there too. but by this time, i no longer looked forward 2 e nites, when we'll play ps2 like mad. i looked forward 2 e morning. i looked forward 2 going aboz. at home, i got nothing 2 do but play. i'd rather go out, hang out. crash at sum1's place, no pun. oh yeah. i've realised sth. sitting wif yock, oihao, hiro n amos at dinner. fucking bad mistake. repeat. BAD MISTAKE. u'll cry if u do. u'll b lamed outta ur mind. i stopped chewing once n swallowed aboz 7 fish bones at once. amazingly, i din die. i wanted 2 at tt time. liew. finish. game over sia. haishz~~~ when e days r gone. i wanna go back wif em. wif mi frenz. wif mi buds. wif mi bros frm e place we call our 2nd home. oh hehe. 1 thing b4 i end this. perfect trip, until at customs. 1 indian 2 malays cut our queue. i sed "could u pls queue up?" albeit a bit fiercely. e indian woman sed she nided go werk. so fine. work's impt. budden e faggot malay. "can u b manners?" then like, oh mi fault now. then i sed, "u're cutting e queue" he jus sed "can u b manners?" again. then mi n george tried 2 argue. bastard kept saying we had no manners like he got alot by cutting queue. msian manners. whee. spoilt mi whole mood. then ms tang wuz trying 2 stop mi frm going on. i wuz damn pissed. then he sed, "hu u think u r?" i shud've juz sed e same thing. then "u frm singapore rite?" bastard. by tt time i wuz almost at mi limit. "u all queue on e rite, so we take left." blind stupid fuck so dumb, like we'll take a queue wifout an officer there horhz. then i wuz gonna juz punch him clothesline him, choke him. then i rmbed, at customs. then ms tang took mi away. mr krishnan wuz like, "u ok? it's ok lah. sum ppl r juz liddat. think tt they got a rite of way, juz bcuz it's their country." then all e tchers kept asking mi "u ok?" stuff liddat. then mi frenz were like, patting mi back. "well done. show tt mat" aiyah e onlee thing i wanted 2 laff aboz, wuz e "can u b manners?" i felt like saying, no i wanna b shuddup or trouble. u noe, tt old joke aboz 3 boys. haishz. kkz larhz~~~ slp time~ tehgo walked into the light @ 3/18/2004 11:19:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Saturday, March 13, 2004 listening to: WWE Here Comes the Pain on mi ps2 bored liaoz. 2ml going msia wif e rest. hopefully we haf a fun time. i bunking wif kiat n garlic, budden i dunno larhz... i think i'll miss s'pore. think onlee. 2day wuz mi grandpa's 100th day prayers we went temple, then columbarium, back again 2 temple, b4 coming back home. lotsa time gone sia. frm 8 to 2+ time 2 pack. then i siam 2 slp le. 4 days wif out com. but 4 days wifout family =D tehgo walked into the light @ 3/13/2004 10:14:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004 listening to: Hikaru no Go - Sincerely went 2 danli's home yest. quite fun. altho we were playing hitman 2. aiyah i din wanna go home for quite a while. so i thot, since dat hau ask mi go, y not? so i got a mudshake, bot dat hau a cough-medicine drink lol. we all hated it. ok i'm reeli poor when i c ppl's homes. danli got a guitar collection. tt dun reeli matter much since i'm not so musically inclined. budden, he got his own big room, his own laptop, his own webcam, his own privacy goddammit... budden i can't blame nobody. n he's more athletic. y din i go do more sports last time? oh yah. cuz it's mi fault i got asthma. whee... mi fault again... basket. i wanna get red contacts. blood-red. then i'll freak ppl out. ohh funky. then can keep ppl outta mi face. got conned of 10 bucks. already danli n dat hau noe i dun like tokking. then they asked mi pay first for sum $5 coupon. then they sed buy 2 larhz... then i got conned le... i can't say no to most things. aiyah if got red contacts, i think it'll fit mi quite well =D bcuz i dun feel like meeting ppl anitime now... then i get peace. i match mi fury =D now i feel much better. wheee~~~ tehgo walked into the light @ 3/10/2004 10:11:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Monday, March 08, 2004 listening to: D.N.Angel - Futatsu no Negai i had a fun time at han kit's place. we were drunk. we were gambling. maxwell lost 39.5 bucks. famous quotes frm tt day lol "i got 5 pts, 1 queen, 1 ace" - maxwell start of bridge game "pass~" - maxwell we threw yowie into e pool. faked maxwell n pushed him in. "this oil pool is very watery" - zul, exactly after maxwell got in. we were orbiting maxwell when we were all in e pool i had 2 mudshakes 1 venom ( i think tt's wad it's called) e venom sucked... we all agreed. maxwell bot 1 mudshake 1 hooch. james 1 hooch. han kit din take. zul took both bacardis! ahanong took a choc mudshake. i sold 1 to pong hu sold it to zul lol. i had a reeli gd time at han kit's place. kenot forget... all e fun things. then i came home. slept frm 4-8. ate. slept frm 8.10 to 6.10. mi fault for waking up late. had a fun time at sch. then pong bot e last mudshake. came home. wet. then comes e shit. mi fault tt i din call mi mom when raining. mi fault tt she dun rmb telling mi not 2 call 2 b fetched. mi fault tt she wanna b xtra n try n dry mi hair n pull mi ear n stitches. mi fault tt it wuz damn pain, n i wuz yelling throughout. mi fault tt mi sis wanna use com but kenot even let mi use another 10 mins. mi fault tt she use upstairs so i b logical n continue using. mi fault tt i din wanna drink soup, they force, i wanted 2 pour it down drain. mi fault tt i yell n shout n get angry when i'm provoked. mi fault tt i get provoked. mi fault tt dog makes noise. mi fault tt i let dog go 2 shut him up. mi fault tt i'm sober but i wish i were drunk. mi fault tt i trip over mi sis foot. mi fault tt i'm thoroughly angry now. mi fault tt i had asthma. mi fault tt i cud onlee join judo, n now i kenot join ani shit. mi fault tt i'm so violent. mi fault tt i dun like going home. mi fault tt i break super compromising promises which is 2 mi disadv. mi fault tt i come home late n wanna use com until late. mi fault tt i haf frenz tt dun come online all e time at e same time, n i wanna use n tok 2 them. mi fault tt i haf such a violent tendency i wanna kill. mi fault tt i m rude, i'm rebellious. mi fault tt i somehow caused mi father's venture 2 fail by generating bad kamma by quarrelling. mi fault tt i dun start quarrels but alwaes end up getting scolded. mi fault tt i kenot hear well bcuz u ppl keep shouting at mi, in mi ears, in mi face. mi fault tt i cause evrything sumhow but not logically either. go fuck urself n shuddup u ass family. sum1. ani1. save mi. i'm gonna go mad. hopefully now i xiao qi le. i wanna b cheerful when i go sch 2ml. bcuz i dun wanna b angry wif mi frenz for no reason. i wanna b happy wif them. last fault. mi fault for turning into ENFP frm INFP. last thing 2 add. y i dun do werk well. dun do well. y u nvr werk hard enuff? werk harder. do well. oh reeli? well done son. werk harder. go eat shit n die. evrything adds up 2 werk harder. there's no longer any reason y i shud. tehgo walked into the light @ 3/08/2004 10:32:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Friday, March 05, 2004 listening to: Sister Princess - Tsubasa pong's learning jap frm mi. n he keeps lying on mi. haishz~~ chi isn't so bad. it's a fun klaz. got e lam nam soon's elite remedial grp. same time oso got thatOtherBand innit funny sia... juz call it gep allstars lol all e slackers. all e non-muggers. all e crappers. but luckily, not all e lamers... i'll kill them. i shudn't haf done n shud've done lotsa stuff 2day. i'm doing evrything wrong. wth's wrong wif mi 2day? wad's rite i do wrong. i saboh wif out even noeing it. i do wrong oso i dun realise. until like, too late. =/ saleth/ravyn's mi fren now in nodeka. Nezesus too... fun ppl~~ shit i wud reeli like 2 meet them but 1's in australia if i not wrong. e other in thailand... sai... nvm~~ all things will come. as all things will pass... i'm e titan. i'm e unfallible. i'm e 1. e 1 to stop this chaos. mighty kronos, grant mi power. to fite e evils of man. 2 save e lost creatures of gaia. mighty ouranos, father of e titans. lord of e sky. watch over mi. i'll do e titans proud. n prove em wrong tt wif brawn there's no brain. tehgo walked into the light @ 3/05/2004 11:56:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |
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Thursday, March 04, 2004 listening to: Gravitation - Spicy Marmalade pong's picked up since mon lol nvr blogged since then. now i sit next 2 pong. n we both dropped hcl. giv a shit man. mi decision u juz eat shit n die. dun even bother thinking of interfering mi life, mi way, so shaddup n sit tite. been sharing lotsa stuff wif pong. evrytime i bring biscuits he take too. well tt's bcuz i did bring too much. i dun eat tt much, but i juz bring bcuz ppl arnd mi wanna eat. ppl like david, waileong, pong, george. =D so far enjoying chi klaz. but mi family keeps kaopehing aboz it. y can't i drop? i think i wud've dropped in sec 2 le. bcuz i din think i'll get so bad for o's. i think e o's reeli did hit sum ppl hard. even yizhe oso like, damn affected. hell... 9 ppl frm mi klaz dropped hcl. e damn cl klaz frm original 7, more than tripled 2 bcome 2dae's 23. wth man... n most frm 4Q. duh... lsh as last yr's tcher. haishz~~~ i'm not sad, i'm not angry she's a nice person. but kenot teach. no charisma... tokking aboz charisma... keeps reminding mi aboz D&D. 2ml muz bring moor shirt for cheese. then oso i wanna do pe still... too inactive le. but i dowan go aikido. i'd rather go for han kit's bdae. fly on e wings of thunder. upon e great n forgotten thunderbird. for its majesty is rivalled onlee by tt of e phoenix. fly o thunderbird, and make e world c. tt ppl r not all-powerful. tehgo walked into the light @ 3/04/2004 10:00:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |