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Saturday, December 24, 2005 LiStEninG tO: Maboroshi by Jun Shibata alot has happened. i shud've gone with my sisters to japan, then maybe so much wouldn't have happened. i've made bad choices, but this is by far the worst. i can live with the fact that life shits me, i don't get to be with my friends, the people who've changed my life and made such an impact on my life and perspectives. the people who i've shared my joys and tears with, the people who have made me feel wanted, loved. a wrong sentence, and it all dies out. deither, u most likely will nvr read this, but i what i said wasn't what i felt. it's what i read, from the officer forums, from the council channel. u may nvr forgive me, and that has got me completely destroyed. i find no joy in wow anymore. making friends was what kept me going, for the guild, for my friends. now? nothing. and in the price i paid to keep on going for ppl in wow, i've neglected my friends, the people who've cheered me up, who i go around walking with in the wee hrs of the morning. i feel at a loss. since the time i lost that bond of friendship. it's funny really. why can i come to terms with losing ppl to the clutches of death, but not come to terms with losing ppl who're still arnd, becoming more and more distant, hollow, empty. for the smallest things in life, going out, watching a movie, just even talking to one of my friends, i'm happy. to feel the closeness once more. now, i'm nothing but an empty shell left behind while others have moved on. sometimes i dream, sometimes i hope. usually it comes to naught. all i have, is this aching feeling, that i've lost more and more, with each second passing. call it insecurity, call it selfishness, but all i ever want to be, is to continue being close to my friends. this face i keep putting on daily, a cheery, "sup all!" or "hey wassup man" face, it's falling apart, crumbling. i know not how long this face can keep up, or whether is it even right to put on a face, when my friends show me their true faces. and then it comes to another point. hypocrisy. why is it some ppl can keep such a friendly face, while defaming others behind their backs. why is it these same people can yet fool ppl, while creating a scapegoat of the person who tells the truth. even tho i've lied countless times, be it abt homework, or where i'm going, lying to someone who has called u a friend has nvr been considered in my journey of life. is it so hard for humans to uphold truth and justice? i guess so. if life was considered fair by all, the subjectivity of it all will totally screw everything up. "i'm poor, life's unfair" "i'm lonely, life's unfair" "i'm stupid, life's unfair" then what's fair? having all the pleasures in the world? maybe. human greed is just insatiable. sometimes? i wonder if it's right to keep things confidential, hidden from the view of people u don't want to see what u've done. should i drag out what u all've said and cause more trouble? nah. might as well i take the shit and let the dust settle. fatigue is slowly creeping in. the joy of gaming dies yet again. ps! play play play... then wc3 came out. z0mg ladder! then mods took over. z0mg tft! ladder gogogo, then dota took over. dota! till wow replaced it. now? idk what's gonna take over wow. i've made friends online, in numbers i dunno, some remember me from when i was a lowbie in nov last yr, some remember me as a 60 since may, others remember me for the paladin i play now. i won't mind throwing away wow for something that might be more fun i guess. the strain on my mind and soul is enough to make me want to keep on sleeping and sleeping, till i'm forgotten or lost in a different state of mind. anger no longer fills my heart. it's all sadness, and loneliness. when was the last time i really was happy? i dunno. it might've been class chalet. it might've been the last time we went to wanker's hse. seriously speaking? i think the last time i was truly happy, as in nothing could bring me down kinda happy, was when peh n i were at dings hse for 4 days, before posting. before our lives changed, and mine for the worst. tehgo walked into the light @ 12/24/2005 02:54:00 am -+-+-+-+- |
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Monday, December 19, 2005 LiStEninG tO: Simple Plan - Perfect this song v nice. i bought a new keyboard n mouse set, microsoft de. yoshiee is gay. and he bots. lols. trowa's n benny's bday soon ^^ going wankers hse for xmas party soon too! ^_______^ in a recent spate of events, i'm beginning to hate wow. in another recent occurrence, i've been motivated once more to go for aikido. don't ask me why i'm posting like this. haven't done much hols hw yet. found out frm jiewen got more =( week 4 on my backup com =( i need my main com... the mp3s r getting boring i've been sleeping for 4-6 hrs on avg. kinda coolz. i've not talked to alot of my ri friends for a damn long time =( i wish i could hug you to sleep and let this all end. but it never will. i wish i could scream and yell my stress away. but i never can. i wish i could turn back time to right my wrongs, to change my decisions. but i never can anymore. goodbyes tehgo walked into the light @ 12/19/2005 01:50:00 am -+-+-+-+- |
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Thursday, December 01, 2005 LiStEninG tO: FF7AC - Forever Walking Alone hmmm wtf i had that song?? ok nvm. cai is right. i haven't blogged in a month lololol. kkkkk. let's respec. erm. rewind. whatever. i camped at my cousin's hse for like 2+ wks in total, going out occasionally for gym n other stuff. like watch movie. it was quite fun =] soul calibur 3 roxx! go penny-arcade.com to see related comics =p LF399M TTC lols kk then we went on raids blablabla on wow... celebrated my grandma's bday... again... english chinese calendar rubbish. that's liek 1 buffet. after a marche buffet -_-.. and i watched hp again for free tho... EMMA WATSON GG! kk then i finally came home. wowed n all... went out watched like . . . . . prime. yah. lols. then went sinchi's hse to stayover. celeb deathmatch is fun LOL. kk then sunday. went home, prepared stuff, met the guys for 4Q CLASS CHALET OF GG. there was ps2, ps2, mahjong, random card games, ppl.... throwing tissue and lego arnd -__-... then cai chiang kiach trowa n i went on a after midnite walk. it was ok. until chiang was trying to deny existence of ghosts n such, that u no fear = no ghost. ... cuz we heard chinese opera music of gramophone quality from behind us, and the angle nvr changed. kiach was last person n he felt a tap on his left shoulder, with evry1 being like 1m away on his right... then i saw white figure floating thru trees so gg lol. then trowa n i saw sth white float across the chalet window. LOLOLOL it was quite funny. then next day we went to eat/lan when eddy came, played a bit of soccer b4 i changed my mind of going home for wow, then met with ppl like jiewen shawnn cindia for sr class chalet. alot of food sia. i'll get cancer soon lols. then mr hon n mrs chu came. mr hon's baby quite cute =] hmmms then it was more ps2... cards mahjong... then i went to slp while they were playing fatal frame 2. it was more funny than scary cuz of xinni being so slow n corny. "muz pai mei mei" wtf -_-... ok then i accidentally woke cindia up when waking up cuz she was slping on a pillow on my side/thigh. so when i drew my hand to my face it sorta tapped her. paiseh ! ok then i came home slacked alot and am going out soon with dings they all. yes it's a super summarized entry but meh. tehgo walked into the light @ 12/01/2005 01:40:00 pm -+-+-+-+- |